Author: Joe Zimmerman

Our late-2010s Samsung dryer lasted 6½ years, survived a dead heating element, processed mountains of dog hair, and generally did what dryers are supposed to do. It just wasn’t always particularly interested in determining when the clothes were actually dry. The matching dryer that accompanied our late-2010s Samsung WA45-series washer was, for the most part, a pretty decent appliance. Our closest reference model is the Samsung DVE45N5300W, a 7.5-cu.-ft. electric dryer sold with features including Sensor Dry, 10 preset drying cycles, four temperature settings, Multi-Steam, and Samsung Smart Care. [ajmadison.com] On paper, that’s a fairly impressive list. In our house,…

Our late-2010s Samsung top-loader survived 6½ years in a house that produces laundry like a small commercial operation. It wasn’t a bad washer. It just occasionally confused “large capacity” with “hostage situation.” When we bought our late-2010s Samsung WA45-series washer, one feature stood out immediately: The bastard was huge. Our likely reference model, the Samsung WA45N3050AW, offered 4.5 cubic feet of capacity, eight wash cycles, five water-level settings, Self Clean, and Samsung’s VRT Plus vibration-reduction system. [ajmadison.com] Coming from smaller washers, that cavernous tub looked wonderful. Blankets? Sure. Dog bedding? Throw it in. A mountain of towels? There’s room. Giant…

When you pay nearly $2,500 for five nights at Caesar’s Palace, expectations begin to creep upward. Not unreasonable expectations, mind you. We weren’t expecting Julius Caesar himself to rise from the dead and carry our luggage. But for five hundred bucks a night, you start imagining a certain level of imperial hospitality. Maybe marble. Maybe plush robes. Perhaps a masseuse concealed in the closet, waiting patiently to rub your shoulders while feeding you grapes and addressing you as Your Excellency. Something. Then we discovered the roughly $700 in additional resort fees. Now our expectations went from luxury to full Roman…

Labor dispute escalates after goats discover six-foot fence was apparently based entirely on the honor system. BROOMFIELD, CO — Production at a local handmade soap operation ground to a halt this week after several goats abruptly stopped producing milk and entered what agricultural experts are describing as an increasingly hostile labor dispute with management. According to sources familiar with negotiations, the goats provided no written demands, appointed no representative, and have refused all requests for comment. They simply stopped making milk. “It was incredibly sudden,” said one person familiar with the operation. “One day everything was normal. The next day…

What began as a routine attempt to see whether Google had indexed one of his travel articles reportedly deteriorated Sunday into an intense, one-sided rivalry between local website owner Joseph Zimmerman and internationally known travel personality Rick Steves. “I want to be perfectly clear: I had absolutely nothing against Rick Steves when this started,” said Zimmerman, who operates ShouldIBuyThisCrap.com, a website featuring product reviews, travel guides, satire, and other material Google has apparently decided to keep private between him and his immediate family. Zimmerman said the trouble began when he searched Google for keywords related to articles he had written.…

Buying a washing machine shouldn’t be exciting. It’s a box that fills with water and spins your underwear around. Nobody should be standing in the appliance department thinking: “Holy shit, look at the suspension on that thing.” And yet here we are. We recently bought a Speed Queen TR7, and after actually living with the thing, I’ve developed one major complaint: I can’t fold clothes fast enough to keep up with it. Seriously. I’ll move one load into the dryer, start another load in the washer, and begin folding whatever came out of the dryer. Before I’ve finished folding everything…

We have dogs. This means we also have dog hair. Everywhere. On the couch. On the blankets. On our clothes. Probably in places where no dog has actually been. Dog hair apparently operates according to some supernatural distribution system that science has yet to adequately explain. So when we bought our Speed Queen DR7 electric dryer and saw that one of its big selling points was Pet Plus, I was interested. I was also skeptical. Because appliance manufacturers love giving ordinary features impressive names. I half expected Pet Hair Remover to mean: “We tumble your shit around for ten minutes…

There are purchases you make because they’re exciting. A new guitar. A vacation. A ridiculous television. Maybe a new car. Then there are purchases where you somehow find yourself standing in an appliance store contemplating spending several thousand dollars on machines whose primary purpose is cleaning your underwear. Welcome to adulthood. We recently bought the Speed Queen TR7 top-load washer and matching Speed Queen DR7 electric dryer. These are not cheap appliances. At current MSRP, Speed Queen lists both the white TR7006WN washer and DR7004WE electric dryer at $1,749 each, putting the pair at almost $3,500 before considering whatever deal…

Major appliances occupy a special category of consumer spending. Nobody wakes up Saturday morning thinking: “You know what would really make this weekend exciting? Spending $2,000 on a refrigerator.” You buy these things because somewhere in your house sits an expensive box that performs a basic function you’d very much like to continue having. Keep the food cold. Wash the clothes. Dry the clothes. Clean the dishes. Cook dinner. Pretty simple. And yet somehow we’ve managed to turn shopping for appliances into an exercise involving Wi-Fi connectivity, touchscreens, proprietary filters, seventeen wash modes and enough marketing terminology to make you…

Colorado’s annual autumn tradition combines spectacular scenery, crisp mountain air, golden aspens, and approximately the entire population of Denver attempting to photograph the same tree. There is a brief period every year when Colorado stops trying to kill you with hail, lightning, wildfire smoke, blizzards, or a sun powerful enough to cook a pork chop through a Subaru windshield. We call it fall. For a few glorious weeks, the mountains turn gold, the afternoons become pleasantly cool, and millions of aspen leaves shimmer in the breeze as though Colorado itself has decided to show off. And show off it does.…