Welcome to the Dog Stuff Section of Should I Buy This Crap

Dogs are wonderful.

Dogs are loyal.

Dogs are loving.

Dogs are also tiny contractors hired to convert money into poop.

If you’ve ever rescued a dog, you’ve quickly discovered the rescue fee was merely a down payment on a lifetime subscription service.

The monthly fees include:

• Food
• Treats
• Toys
• Beds
• Replacement toys
• Replacement beds
• Grooming supplies
• More treats
• Vacuums for the fur
• Carpet cleaners for the accidents
• Vet visits
• Emergency vet visits
• Things swallowed during moments of poor decision-making

And somehow, despite all of that, we keep signing up for more dogs.

Welcome to life with a dog.

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The Household Fur Distribution System

Scientists still don’t fully understand how one dog can generate enough fur to build two additional dogs every year.

I’ve vacuumed.

I’ve brushed.

I’ve used deshedding tools.

I’ve vacuumed again.

Yet somehow a tumbleweed of fur will still roll across the floor exactly five minutes after cleaning.

At some point you stop trying to win.

You simply attempt to negotiate a ceasefire.

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Treat Economics

Dog treats occupy a unique place in the economy.

A dog will ignore a twenty-dollar toy.

A dog will destroy an eighty-dollar bed.

A dog will completely disregard your existence.

Then you touch a seven-dollar bag of treats and suddenly you’re the most important human on Earth.

It’s one of the best returns on investment available.

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Every Dog Product Claims To Be Revolutionary

If you’ve spent any time shopping for dog products, you’ve probably noticed something.

Apparently every new toy is:

• Revolutionary
• Innovative
• Veterinarian approved
• Life changing
• Scientifically advanced

Meanwhile your dog is standing in the yard eating a stick.

The disconnect is fascinating.

My goal here is to separate genuinely useful products from expensive marketing wrapped in attractive packaging.

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The Great Dog Parent Delusion

Every dog owner starts with the same belief:

“I will train my dog properly.”

Then reality shows up.

Eventually every dog learns:

• Which treat jar makes the good noise
• The exact sound of a refrigerator opening
• Which family member is easiest to manipulate
• How to occupy the entire king-size bed

Meanwhile we’re still working on “sit.”

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What You’ll Find Here

This section covers products I’ve actually used, researched, or lived with.

Topics include:

Treats

Because happiness frequently comes in biscuit form.

Grooming Tools

Everything from brushes to deshedding devices capable of removing enough fur to stuff a recliner.

Cleaning Products

The tools we buy because dogs occasionally forget the social contract.

Health Products

Supplements, medications, and products designed to keep our furry freeloaders healthy.

Toys & Accessories

Items intended to survive contact with dogs.

Results vary.

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A Word About Product Reviews

One thing you’ll notice in these reviews:

Dogs aren’t standardized test equipment.

The same treat that sends one dog into orbit may get ignored by another.

The same brush one dog loves might be treated like an assassination attempt by another.

The same toy may survive ten years with one dog and ten minutes with another.

I’ll tell you what happened in my household.

I’ll tell you what the research says.

But your furry little weirdo may have opinions of their own.

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Chasing The Perfect Dog Product

Much like guitar players chasing tone, dog owners spend a surprising amount of time chasing the perfect product.

The perfect treat.

The perfect toy.

The perfect brush.

The perfect bed.

The perfect solution to shedding.

The perfect vacuum.

The perfect carpet cleaner.

The perfect answer usually turns out to be:

“Good enough, and the dog likes it.”

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Things I’ve Learned From Dogs

A few life lessons I’ve picked up:

Every Treat Is Better Than No Treat

This may be the foundation of modern economics.

New Toys Are Best

Until they’re not.

Usually about six minutes later.

The Floor Is Food Storage

According to dogs.

Personal Space Is A Myth

According to dogs.

Fur Is Forever

According to dogs.

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Official Dog Owner Disclaimer

ShouldIBuyThisCrap.com cannot be held responsible for:

• Treat addiction
• Additional dog acquisitions
• Fur-covered clothing
• Toy purchases that last twelve minutes
• Photographs taking over your phone storage
• Unplanned trips to pet stores
• The belief that your dog is smarter than everyone else’s dog

The last one is especially common.

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Final Thought

Dogs aren’t cheap.

Dogs aren’t convenient.

Dogs aren’t logical.

But they’re one of the best investments most of us will ever make.

The trick is spending less money on useless crap and more money on the stuff that actually improves life for both you and your four-legged family members.

That’s what this section is all about.

Helping you answer one important question:

Should I buy this crap for my dog?

Sometimes the answer is yes.

Sometimes the answer is no.

And sometimes the answer is that your dog has already decided for you.